There used to be a trivia game called 'Is That A Fact' hosted by none other than the folks from Time/Life. It was done in a chat room setting, and the questions were hard, the pace fast and furious. It was so much fun, and you won REAL prizes. We won't mention that they still owe me a K Swiss Tshirt and hat, but nonetheless, pretty much the same group gathered week after week and it was moderated by two geekly types known as 'Host' and 'Hostess'. When you had won a certain number of games they had a Tournament of Champions. If you were REALLY good your name was placed in their 'Haul of Fame'...truly an honor. My friend, Tony a.k.a. 'funky' was inadvertantly omitted from this distinction and so wrote the following letter which was so well received that not only did he get his 'Haul of Fame' honor, they posted it on the Web Site. It still cracks me up when I read it....as yes you lovely damsels out there, he's JUST as handsome as he is witty! Enjoy!
My Dear HOSTESS,
I hope that life is well for you today. I wish I could say the same for myself, but unfortunately a dark cloud has been positioned over funky and the funky family name. This, my dear HOSTESS is due to something that you could have prevented. Please, let me explain. It all started in the early 60s, in a small village on Long Island, where me and the funky family would gather, exchange stories and small pieces of bread. This is something the funky family would often do, (I still don't know why), all of us sharing in each others pain and limited joy. Through this process we all became very close. So with this in mind, you can imagine my elation when I was able to tell them I was going to be in the "Tournament of Champions". There has never been a "Champion" in the funky family.
So, earlier this week my town was giving away day old cheese and the funky family congregated here for a fondue fiesta. Naturally my reaction was to show them the ITAF web page. Where they could indeed see for themselves the incredible fame I have achieved by being in the "Tournament of Champions". They didn't care if I won the contest, just being in the "Tournament of Champions" was enough. All of a sudden I hear Uncle Carmine Funky say, "Hey....it says here you are a NON-CHAMPION contestant! What's up with that? If you are in the "Tournament of Champions", then you must already be one." Well much to my chagrin, the whole funky clan, friends and family looked upon me in disdain. They wouldn't even let me try the limburger fondue! They just grabbed their skewers and left me alone, cold and cheeseless. They couldn't believe that I had lied to them about being a champion. Well, in my eyes, I was one because I was in the "Tournament of Champions". The "T of C" has to include champions or else it would be called the "Tournament of Champions and Non-Champion", right? Sure this may seem trivial to you, but I have lost all my funky friends and family, not to mention a good hunk of cheese.
But take heed HOSTESS, you can right this terrible wrong! How?, you might say to yourself. Well if you can find it in your heart to include me in your hallowed haul, Im sure the funky clan will come running back and accept me with open arms. If you need other qualifications, I have missed only 1 game in over 3 months, and that was to go on a singing audition so I could make some extra money to buy that pair of candy-apple red pumps my Mother so desperately needs. I have won 3 games and 4 audience challenges in that time. I have given a power bar package to Niftyguy. I sent my power gels to Speedball. I even kept score once, but let's not go there. I am always telling people to come to the game and think you do a wonderful job. Even that sidekick of yours......um.....oh yea, HOST is a bit amusing at times.
So, there it is HOSTESS, only you can dissolve this shroud of darkness that has taken over my life. My life and future is in your able hands. I hope you can find it in your massive giving heart to correct this terrible injustice. Submitted for your approval...