With the recent spate of warm weather, it is only natural that the citizens of Crisfield would answer that annual call to arms...well, perhaps call to thighs, butts, or whatever body part needs shaping, toning, and trimming down.
Let's face it, exercise for the most part isn't much fun, with one exception: Walking. Furthermore, walking is best enjoyed in groups where one can laugh away the aches, be bolstered by comrades in plumpness, and generally turn a necessary evil into an enjoyable experience.
As well, especially for those who prefer to walk later in the cooler evening hours, walking in numbers provides a certain safety in an otherwise possibly unsettling environment. It is also apparently important when establishing a meeting place for your group, that you choose a location that is well traveled, and therefore safer.
Only the blind could not have been witness lately to the hordes of these almost obsessively exercise prone people; young and old, big and small. They have taken over the streets, pounding the pavements and worse...parking in out of the way areas, places where they will not obstruct traffic or be in anyone's path of ingress/egress.
Thankfully Crisfield is able to boast that it's newly appointed Sergeant, Gayle Jones, has single handedly busted this frightening and dangerous cult of health conscious walkers.
Yes, citizens, she has seen to it, via $10 a pop parking tickets that these walkers shall not gather any longer in areas where no one else parks; in locations highly visible to anyone who can watch with eagle eyes that nothing untoward is occurring in these empty vehicles, in areas where employees and customers no longer need the parking spaces.
I'm especially grateful that I, as a customer, have the far end of the Meatland parking lot available once again. It has always been my first choice of parking spots as a customer, nothing like a quarter mile carrying six loaded grocery bags to get your blood pumping!
It is also comforting to know that should I want to be first in line when the Ward's Crossing Market once again opens, that my customer parking places are patrolled by our town's finest. No sir, no vicious walkers taking up that unused space!
And surely God himself is now happy that his church members are no longer allowed to park in his lots should they wish to take a stroll. I'm sure, had Moses not run out of stone, that "Thou shall not park in my church lot unless you come to worship" would have been the eleventh commandment.
And consider this: in a town where it is constantly lamented, "Our children have nothing to do", we have successfully thwarted yet another effort on their part to find wholesome entertainment. They try to hide it, but our crack police force has seen through the innocence of those empty cars, has seen the danger such temporarily abandoned vehicles pose to Crisfield as a whole.
Then you have those with a bit of age creeping up on them, the ones who wish to bypass biting dogs, unlit areas not bordered by pavements, and lengthy walks...she has surely shown them that they are never too old to be reprimanded. They are old enough to know better.
Let them all park in back alleys, let them park on the strip in front of people's homes, let them park in areas where they must succumb to catcalls and lecherous stares of some of the town's inebriated. Or better yet, park in the open air drug markets for they are obviously safe from police patrol.
After all, Sergeant Jones is too busy protecting our town from these huffing and puffing indigents and their maliciously healthy attitudes. You know what they say, give them an inch of parking place and they'll take a mile.