I saw him across the crowded room.
I was, at that moment, suffused with a joy as yet unheard of in my life. I knew he was 'the one'. I approached with trepidation, my palms sweaty, a thundering in my chest, my ears ringing with the surge of blood flowing swiftly with the rage of a tsunami inside my head.
It seemed as if I crossed the room on a cloud of air, suddenly finding myself at his side. I reached out and caressed him ever so gently, my innocence and virginity apparent by my tentative touch. But touch I must, for never had I known such need, such want, such overpowering infatuation.
He warmed under the feel of my fingers on his smooth skin, I sensed almost a vibration as the chemistry between us tingled and danced a lover's waltz. I gazed at him shyly, afraid to speak, afraid to damage the moment with sound.
He invited me into the security and comfort of his open arms and I nestled on his lap, burrowing much as I suspect a joey would seek solace in the deep recesses of his momma's inviting kangaroo pouch.
I sighed, my pleasure evident, my needs apparent to all whom hovered nearby and watched our foreplay. Feelings long suppressed began to boil inside me with a ferocity that threatened to explode with passion. I traced a long and slender finger against along his body, feeling its hardness, its softness, and its tender secretive places.
Feeling suddenly frightened by my unbridled passions; I disengaged myself from his grip, and moved around in front of him. I looked longingly, slowly licking my lips, unaware that those around me were as well enthralled by the heat generating from my obvious lust.
I shook my head, attempting to clear away the thoughts I was entertaining, attempting to convince myself that I was setting myself up for a fall. How, I mused, could I ever fit into his life? No...I must go; I must leave before it goes too far. This is wrong, he is wrong for me, I am not good enough for him.
I moved quickly past him, pausing briefly to lay my hand upon his rear, feeling the electricity surge up my arm, stopping me cold as if he himself had reached out and grabbed me.
Slowly I turned, my God, what a vision! His sleek well-muscled body beckoned me, begged me, and cried out for my touch. Every fiber of his being screamed to me, "Take me!" He exuded a power and sexuality that drew me to him like a magnet. I was powerless, hopelessly taken, forever his.
With shaking knees, small beads of sweat forming on my upper lip, I slowly returned, standing beside him, knowing I could not leave...not yet. There must be a way for us to be together. Love will find a way! Love always wins, doesn't it? Yearnings, longings and desires heretofore unknown to my heart and mind replace my common sense.
Then, the harsh reality begins to creep in...slowly at first, followed by big, jagged bolts of lightning that shoot directly into my temples and out through the solar plexus, making my palms go clammy and my stomach turn queasy.
I see it, pure, white, and pristine...the dealer's invoice. 1996 Dodge Viper...$69,782.55.
Choking back the flood of disappointed tears I sadly turn and walk away, head down; heart feeling for all the world like a useless mound of tissue and cells. He will never be mine, never. I was insane to harbor visions of a life together. Soon he will be in the arms of another. So quickly love found, just as quickly lost.
As I climb into my car, with its stained fabric seats, with its sun cracked dash, with its nicks and dents, I have to wonder...is it better to have loved and lost or never to have loved at all? Had I never met him, had I never known the ecstasy, would I have been better off? Why had I never before noticed that rip in my carpet, the crack in my windshield? Why, before him, was everything fine, and suddenly it seems so lacking? For a brief moment in time, I experienced what many spend their whole lives seeking. Was this minute bit of joy, and its memories enough to sustain me or will it leave me always knowing what could have been?
Whrrrr....whrrrr.....whrrrr.....as my car refuses to start...I know the answer.