What makes a marriage work?
The obvious way to attack this issue would be to create a lengthy advice filled inventory of deeds to do to make and keep a marriage exciting.
Not my style.
What makes a marriage FAIL? What makes a marriage END? Why doesn't anyone ever write a 'How To' manual for creating an UNsuccessful marriage?
Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.
The most important thing to do is to be sure that as soon as you have exhausted all your wiles and ways to get to the altar, as soon as the cake is cut, CHANGE! Revert back to that person you really are. Don't continue to do/feel/be everything that was the attractant in the first place. Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one. Start early!
Nitpicking is a good option. Remember all the things he/she did that you found so amusing while dating? Announce loudly at every chance how much they now irritate you. It's also a good idea to do this at social functions and in front of other people. The wedding reception is an ideal place to practice this, why wait?
Day to day submissions to this cause include obsessing with some other pastime that precludes spending time with your spouse. Be sure to pick something that the other cannot share with you. Try to do this activity as often as possible and get furious if you are interrupted. Make this the focus of your life, ignore pleas of "Honey we never spend any time together anymore".
Watching TV is an excellent way to create tension in a marriage, with robust and inconsistent use of the remote control. Using TV to block out dinner table conversation is an excellent method of insuring you will go to bed angry. Above all else find out what the other wants to see, watch anything but, and super glue the remote to your hand if necessary.
Never try to see the other person's point of view in any discussion. Drown them out with lots of yelling and gesticulating, and don't let them finish a sentence. Judicious use of phrases that allude to their lack of intelligence are also great weapons.
Bodily contact should cease as soon as possible after the vows are repeated. "I DO" must translate into "I DON'T", or more beneficially...."I will ONLY if I get my way and you are good". Don't hug, or hold hands, or show any physical affection that would make your significant other feel wanted. These tools, however, are useful when you want something.
I always find bringing each other's families into the fray can add a little spice to your marriage should you find harmony creeping in and attempting to make you get along. Talk about his/her Great Aunt Nellie as an appetizer, then whop them with the biggie...."Your MOMMA...."
Children are an excellent source of conflict for a couple. They can be used in a variety of ways as pawns, allies, and reasons for just about anything. Let the other fuss and fume over some transgression, pull the child aside and assure them that Mommy/Daddy is bad and not to listen to them. This creates the two against one scenario. Always leave yourself the option to blame any really bad problems on the other spouse, however.
Money is the root of all evil they say. Financial matters can really lay the groundwork for usurping any relationship. Spend spend spend! Or, conversely, SCRIMP. Dole out allowances in small portions or go wild on the Home Shopping Network. If you can effectively bring money problems into your marriage, you'll have the impetus needed for that slow decline to the end. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.
Tune them out, learn and hone the fine art of ignoring, treating anything they say as so much radio type background noise. Should they do something worthwhile, resist the urge to praise. Bite your tongue, pinch yourself hard, whatever it takes, but do not give them credit for anything!
Ultimately, if your spouse is the kind who is so slobberlingly in love with you or able to overlook your faults, or simply too lazy to participate into the dissolution of the union, you can always fall back on ADULTERY!
Yes, go get yourself a boy/girl toy. For your own enjoyment you should find someone who is all you ever wanted, one who rocks your boat, one who makes it difficult for you to close your eyes at night because it's time away from him/her, the one who you SHOULD have married in the first place. But, that would make sense, that would look normal. You need to really turn his/her head, so find someone who is so outlandishly bizarre that he/she is forced to dump you to avoid any more embarrassment. It should be noted that this is the final method to use if all else fails. Absolutely, it's important to keep yourself looking good in other's eyes so they'll feel sorry for you. This method voids that option, as well as possibly being financially unwelcome for your future.
Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
So, do you want to clown around and walk a tightrope? Don't buy the ticket unless you are going to stay for the whole show. The best acts are at the end.