I'm not a rules girl, I've tried, I just can't do it.
Let me clarify this statement. I want my child to obey the rules, I want the other drivers sharing my road to obey the rules, I want the clerk at Wendy's to obey that rule that says, "wash your hands after going to the restroom". (I saw you not doing it the other day...you know who you are!) And, I like that "Thall shalt not kill' rule...that one comes in pretty handy.
It's just that there are so many of them, everywhere you go. Speed limits, weight limits, charge card limits, limit two per customer, age limits, this offer limited to the first 50 people. They've taken it to the limit with limits.
Okay, so I'm rebellious, so I've never liked being told what to do, so a bit of anarchist blood courses through my veins. I admit these things, confession is good for the soul, but rules are made to be broken or at least bent on occasion. And, yes, hypocritically speaking I want to pick and choose and I choose some of them to be overly picky.
"Shoes and Shirts must be worn", states the sign on the door. So, what's with them tossing me butt first on the sidewalk when I enter naked between waist and feet, other than the fact that I don't have the loveliest kneecaps around? After all I did what they said!
"No pets allowed". I've seen some grungy looking people in places my freshly groomed pup can't go. Witness a rack of clothing in a women's department store. Did a DOG put that makeup or lipstick stain on that shirt??? Now, sure, you don't want him marking his territory on the polyester 'please kill me if I ever wear any' pull up pants, but if you can't leave him in a hot car, some days you need to scoop him up in your arms and dash in the Dash In!
"A 15% gratuity will be added to parties of 10 or more". That's the ultimate! Are they saying when people gather in large numbers that they lose the ability to do simple math? Does the fact that it's a large group negate the server's responsibility to do a good job. After all, a tip is a reward for good service. Whether alone or with three hundred of my closest friends, I still want the power to tip as I see fit...and if it ain't fittin.....
"No outside food in movie theatres". Yeah right...sure the smell wafts several rows in either direction, but a hamburger fits nicely with a drink in one of those nice shopping bags with handles. Those with lesser nerve and a jacket pocket or a purse can BYOB (bring your own bars....umm...candy bars). I know they say they make their big money off the snacks they sell, why shouldn't they at the prices they charge? I don't feel like I'm breaking a law doing this, I feel like it's a crime what a soda costs at the movies.
"Do not touch" creates an insatiable desire to fondle. I'm careful, I don't break or smudge or fold, spindle, or mutilate, but I look both ways, sigh contendedly and caress..... I'm sated..and the euphoria is like a drug. It is especially fulfilling when a store clerk glares at me sternly.
I deviate, I question, I push, and I do all the other things THE RULES say I shouldn't do. I try new things, I let my imagination run wild, I say things better left unsaid, I do things in public that are better done in private. I do not like THE RULES, I will not follow them, and any attempts to force me will result in nothing less than the utter obliteration of my already deviated personality.
Now don't go getting your panties in a bunch over this. I can see you now, shaking your head and saying things like "What about do not drink and drive? What about seat belts? What about not smoking when filling up with gas? What about wiping your feet on a doormat?"
Don't you get it? They, like many others, are NOT rules, they're common sense. One is being told what to do and the other is doing what's right in the first place.
Give me some credit for knowing the difference...even if I do often run with scissors.