My mind wandered the other day as it frequently does, and I began to think globally. Afterall the internet isn't just here in this little cubicle inhabited by my computer, chair, and ever present box of animal crackers.
I dared to wonder about some of the people who visit my homepage and read my musings, my stats server tells me they visit from all over the world. Do they understand our language and read it thusly, or perhaps do they use one of the online translators?
I dared again to question the exactness of this tool, albeit a wonder in itself, was it all it's cracked up to be or did it possibly promote me as a bit cracked? As well, with the ever increasing surge of online romances linking couples from different countries and therefore languages, do the translators give proper meaning to the kisses typed across the oceans?
There was but one choice; to don my detective cap, my thinking cap and the cap to my bottle of lambrusco and get to the bottom of this before the wine ran dry.
Reverting to my theory of loves possibly lost due to inaccurate translations of tomes of love transcending even the 'she said he heard' language of marriage, I decided to pen a small paragraph declaring my love. I would then send it coursing through the translator from English to a foreign language and back to English again. What did it lose? What did it gain?
It was quickly apparent from my love note that I must never consider myself a romance novelist, but it would simply have to do.
My original words of amore are as follows:
"Let us run with wild abandon through a gently swaying wheatfield, laughing in anticipation of the tentative sparks of rising passion. Warm me with the breath of your kisses as we tumble embracing, fulfilling our dreams, giving way to our realities. Let us lie entwined, suffused with the glow of love and promises to come as butterflies flutter knowingly above."
From English to German to English leads me to believe they smoke their wheat or at least their stolpern:
"Leaving it us with wild easiness by an easily influencing wheatfield to run and in expectation of the provisional sparks of the rising inclination laugh. Warm me with the breath of your kisses, as we globally stolpern and our dreams fulfill and to our realnesses giving way. Let us be situated entwined to come suffused with the glowing of the love and the promises how butterflies flutter consciously above."
From English to Italian to English proves that Italians are the best lovers; they can get their point across when no one else can.
"We work with wild abandonment through a wheatfield delicately of ondeggiamento, laughing in forecast of the sparkes experiences them of increasing passion. Scaldarlo with the breath of your kisses as we fall embracing, completing our dreams, leading to our truths. We find ourselves entwined, suffused with the incandescence of love and the promises to come as the butterflies fluctuate deliberately over."
From English to Portugese to English strips even my pitiful attempt at romance to a matter of factness.
"Wheatfield leaves us to function delicately with wild abandonment through one balancing, laughing in anticipation to the sparks tentative of the passion arising itself. It heats me with the breath of its kisses as we fall embracing, fulfilling to our dreams, leading our realities. It leaves to meet us entwined, suffused with the glow of the love and the promises to come as the butterflies vibrate knowingly above."
English to Spanish to English gives me cause to pause and call P.E.T.A to see that the poor little flutterbys aren't abused.
"Ejecutémosnos with wild abandonment through wheatfield smoothly that is shaken, laughing in anticipation of the tipsy attempts of the rise passion. Caliénteme with the breathing of its kisses as we fall embracing, satisfying our dreams, taking to our realities. Let us lie entwined, covered with brilliance with the lover and of the promises to come as they shake the butterflies with knowledge it arrives."
English to Russian to English would have been confusing without the lambrusco:
"Let us to run with wild, refuse through soft(softly) fluctuation wheatfield, laughter in expectation of preliminary sparks of raising passion. Warm me with breath of your kisses, as we êóâûðêàåìñÿ, covering, carrying out our dreams, conceding our facts...... Let us to lay bound, filled æàðîì by love and promises to arrive as ïîðõàíèå of the butterflies consciously above.
English to French to English to French to English rises kinky with talk of controlling and lacing you widespread:
"Let us carry out gently with the wild abandonment by a wheatfield of the oscillation, while laughing in the forecast of the experimental sparks of Levante passion. Heat me with the breath of your kisses as we of dégringolons embracing, by carrying out our dreams, controlling with our realities. We find enlaceré the, widespread one with the gleam the love and the promises to come from while the butterflies float knowingly in the top."
English to French to German to English illustrates that you need to stick with one partner:
"If you execute with the wild function through wheatfield tenderly from rockers, which laughs regarding the attempt sparks of the passion, levante. Heat it with the breath of your kisses, as we dégringolons embracing, by executing our dreams, which lead to our reality. Find we enlaceré common with the banknote the love and the promises to come of, how the butterflies swim consciously in top."
Enlightening as it was, is was far more frightening to consider what people from other countries may be reading when they visit me. It's a wonder I haven't been censored, or at least had my degringolons pinched. And just like Dorothy...if I ever feel the need to go looking or fall in love, I don't think I'll go further than my own back yard.
Afterall, I've always had a thing for Elmer Fudd:
"Wet us wun wif wiwd abandon thwough a gentwy swaying wheatfiewd, waughing in anticipation of the tentative spawks of wising passion, uh-hah-hah-hah. Wawm me wif the bweaf of youw kisses as we tumbwe embwacing, fuwfiwwing ouw dweams, giving way to ouw weawities. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! Wet us wie entwined, suffused wif the gwow of wove and pwomises to come as buttewfwies fwuttew knowingwy above."